Cooking with the 'Hood
by Descendent
Summary: Fred dukes cooks us his favorite dish. God help us...


Cooking with the 'Hood  
  
Summary: Fred Dukes makes his famous Death Valley Chile.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
********  
  
  
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Cooking with the 'Hood. (Curtain pulls back and we see Fred, Lance and Toad. Fred is wearing a chef's outfit)  
  
Fred: Welcome to our cooking show.  
  
Lance: Or as we like to call it, recipes for disaster.  
  
Fred: HAHA. Very funny. Now lets begin.  
  
Toad: Freddy ain't you forgetting about something?  
  
Fred: Oh yea. Descendent doesn't own any of this folk's.  
  
Toad: Not that.  
  
Fred: I paid the insurence...  
  
Toad: I meant the spaghetti incident.  
  
Fred: Oh yea. Well we have more protection for the innocent victe...I mean taste testers this time. (Freddy pulls back the shades to reveal dozens of SWAT cars, numerous army artillery pieces along with Marines and Navy Seal teams, and a giant Mech, all of which are standing with their weapons trained on the house.)  
  
Lance: Think they forgot any thing?  
  
Toad: God I hope not.  
  
Fred: Oh ye of little faith. Now lets begin. Today we're making Death Valley Chile.  
  
Lance: Why do I think ominous music should be playing when you say that?  
  
Toad: I dunno. Maybe you're hanging out with your Kitty-Cat too often?  
  
Lance: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Fred: Guys let's just make this crap... I mean delicious Chile. (Fred begins to sweat nervously)  
  
Lance: Right.  
  
Toad: Just begin already.  
  
Fred: OK. We just take all of our ingredients (Point's to a huge pile of food on the table) and mix them together like so. (Fred throws everything in a bowl and mix's it together)  
  
Toad: Real professional.  
  
Fred: Thanks, but we're not done yet.  
  
Lance: (Fear in his voice) You don't mean...  
  
Fred: YES!!! Ingredient X!!! (A thunderclap and lightning occur when he says it)  
  
Toad: The same stuff that has been declared illegal in twenty countries?  
  
Fred: Yep.  
  
Lance: The same stuff that has been deemed a biohazard by the NATO Biological Research Committee?  
  
Fred: That's the stuff.  
  
Toad: Freddy, you do know that this is the toxic crap stuff the Middle East uses for its Bio-Weaponry.  
  
Fred: And your point?  
  
Lance: I guess we know where the "Death" in Death Valley comes from.  
  
Fred: Damn strait.  
  
Lance: Eating that stuff will send you "strait" to an early grave.  
  
Fred: Who are you going to believe, me or some starving Bosnian's?  
  
Lance: Seeing that they up-chucked their guts out before their skin fell off, I'm going to say... them.  
  
Fred: Traitor. Anyhow lets just put in one or two drops for flavor. (He uses a dropper to place a drop in the mixture. A Small skull and Crossbones shaped cloud rises from where the drop connected.)  
  
Toad: (Looking on in disgust) Now what?  
  
Fred: We let it cook.  
  
Toad: How will we know when it's done?  
  
Lance: We just wait for a message.  
  
Toad: Like what?  
  
TWENTY MINUTES LATER...  
  
Lance: That'll do.  
  
------------  
  
Scene: Pietro is strapped to a chair, Lance, Toad, and Fred are gathered around. There is a bowl of Chile in front of Pietro.  
  
Pietro: Umm, Why am I doing this again?  
  
Fred: Because Tabitha threatened to kill us if we tried feeding it to her.  
  
Pietro: Wonderful.  
  
Toad: Just shut up and eat. It's good for you.  
  
Lance: And good for our entertainment as well.  
  
Pietro: Since when did you become more sarcastic than a "Daria" Marathon?  
  
Lance: I've always been. Now eat.  
  
Pietro: ...Gulp... Okay... (Takes a bite of the Chile.) Hey this isn't half-bad.  
  
Fred: Really?  
  
Pietro: Yea...IT'S ALL BAD!!! (Pietro throws the bowl at Fred's face. A hissing sound is heard when it connects)  
  
Fred: AHHHHHH!!! IT BURN'S LIKE NAPALM!!! AHHHHHHH!!! (Holds his face as he runs around screaming)  
  
Toad: I suggest we leave.  
  
Lance: Agreed.  
  
Pietro: (Still tied to the chair) Guys what about me? Guys? guys? (We hear the screeching of tires as they pull out of the Brotherhood driveway.)  
  
Fred: (Tears streaming down his eyes as he wipes the Chile off of his face) Come back next time folk's when we'll be making Chicken Fried Fries. Until then, Bon appetite. NOW GET THE HELL OFF OF MY LAND!!!  
  
************  
  
That was fun to write. I hope you all like it as well. Well you all know the drill, Please review folks.  
Peace Out,  
  
-Descendent 


End file.
